The happiest kids in the world

Exactly 15 years ago today, I arrived in the Netherlands with a suitcase full of dreams (ok, maybe two), ready to start a new phase of my life, but having no idea I'd end up staying for so long. I still do and always will feel a strong bond with my home country Brazil (as BMoF readers of course know!), but looking back on these years, I realize I feel entirely at home here now. Perhaps the main turning point in my relationship with this country was the birth of my children, who were both born here, and who, for all intents and purposes (sadly, including rooting at the World Cup…), are basically Dutch. After they were born, I started feeling a visceral connection with this place, which I didn’t experience before.

However, it is not only because they happened to be born here and have lived here almost all their lives (except for 20 months living in NYC for my older one) that I feel this connection. More importantly, I simply see them happy and thriving, being given all the conditions they need to develop healthily and joyfully, and I am extremely thankful for that. And it’s not only my kids: the Netherlands is consistently ranked as number one at studies comparing the well-being of children in a number of developed countries. 

Everyone’s next question is then: what’s the secret? How does one raise the happiest kids in the world? Obviously, the Netherlands is a prosperous country, with levels of social equality only to be compared to those in the Scandinavian countries, and that goes a long way of course. To start with, virtually every child here has access to health care, education, nutrition etc. (Which is not to say that everything is perfect! But even for what is not so good, it’s still probably better than in most other places.) However, there are more factors involved, and on the basis of my experience as a parent I would like to outline two of them. 

1. Parental involvement. Dutch parents tend to be truly involved in their children’s lives, making sure to spend a significant amount of time with them. Granted, this is still not evenly distributed between mothers and fathers (speaking here of the statistically prevalent model of heterosexual couples), and perhaps also related to the (still now) low presence of women in high-ranking positions (until a few years ago, the Netherlands had the lowest percentage of women full professors in the EU). It is still very common for women to work part time, 3 days a week at most, and for their male partners to work full time. But this is slowly changing too, and more and more the arrangement of both parents working 4 days a week is becoming common -- which means that in 2 days of the week, there is a parent at home, spending time with the children (not just working from home!). As anecdotal evidence, I can report that I see as many fathers as mothers bringing the kids to school in the morning.

2. Laid-back, fun-oriented school environment. At school, there is comparatively little pressure to perform (i.e. compared to other countries). Learning is approached for the most part as a fun, enjoyable activity (true enough, my kids are still quite young, almost 10 and 7, so this may change in the future). The teachers are friendly and warm, and the kids hardly have any homework to do at all. Instead, they go on play dates almost every single day after school (my kids, at least), even if there are also a number of after-school activities on the program (where we live, many kids play field hockey, and there’s practice twice a week – but that’s fun too!). And yet, they don’t seem to be lagging behind their peers in other countries in terms of learning, so perhaps all the drilling homework that kids elsewhere are subjected to is not that important after all?

And so, as the 15^th anniversary of my arrival in this country led me to reflect on a number of things, I realize that this is the place I call home now. This is to a great extent due to how well this country treats the two people who mean the most to me; I’m so glad they are among the happiest kids in the world.