10. "God's Not Dead" was filmed at Louisiana State University; the location generally adds to a movie's unique feel (cf. the criminally underrated Johnny Knoxville/Willie Nelson version of "Dukes of Hazard"). But in spite of the setting, the overall filmic ambiance of the trailer of "God's Not Dead" is in its cheap bombast almost identical to the "Atlas Shrugged" and "Left Behind" movies. The weird conservative variety of emotional tone deafness works at all levels, visual, audio, and with respect to dialogue (e.g. minute 2:11- "Yeah but who are you looking to fail? Me? or God?")
9. The taxpayers of the gret stet of Louisiana almost certainly funded "God's Not Dead" via one of the many boondoggles that account for 7 billion (a full third) of our tax receipts being given directly to private industries (long story about how this 7 billion funnels down to Republican politicians around the country who will deliver primary voters to Bobby Jindal's unsuccessful 2016 Presidential Bid; cf. the tee shirts "My philosophy professor lives in Louisiana and all I got was this stupid presidential run.").
8. Gratuitous appearance of "Duck Dynasty" stars and famed Louisiana theists at second 13 of the trailer!
7. Weird Duck Dynasty theology expressed around seconds 16-18 that if we disown Jesus, Jesus will disown us. If that were true, in what universe would Got still be love? What's going on here?
6. Second 26! Kevin Sorbo! Kevin Sorbo! Kevin Sorbo! (That's Hercules to you and me). This. Changes. Everything.
5. O.K. Hercules has been reincarnated as a Louisiana State University philosophy professor. The association might actually make John Protevi and me seem cool to other human beings (our pets think we're awesome) for the first time in our weird lives.
4. Obviously, Hercules' whole purpose is to bring back the Greco-Roman pantheon as anachronistically instantiated by television's two greatest series of all time: Hercules: The Legendary Journeys and Xena: Warrior-Princess!
3. What to make of instantiation of weird fact that an incompetent director can get a wooden performance out of anyone (cf. George Lucas- Samual Jackson)? Thought of what Sam Raimi would have done with Sorbo/Hercules in this connection, especially when Bruce Campbell pops up inexplicably wreaking havoc on all the oleander, japanese magnolia, live oak, and crape myrtle trees on the LSU campus with his jerry rigged chainsaw/hand appendage thingy.
2. The fact that it is so bloody clear that no one having anything to do with this film ever took a philosophy class or attended a university. In addition to Sorbo's teaching a proposition that intelligent people of good will disagree about as if it were settled fact, and his repeated claims that he will fail the student simply for disagreeing with him about the proposition, note that "Bertolt Brecht" is on his chalkboard list of atheist philosophers right after Bertrand Russell. My drama theorist friend Neal Hebert found this even weirder than I did.
1. OMG. I just realized that the mono-theist protagonist's name is "Joss Whedon"? WTF? Add to this the absolute horribleness of the Christian Rock at the minute 2:15 of the trailer and any intelligent person must conclude that Hercules has by the end of the movie actually won.
I'm serious about this Christian Rock business. For God's sake, we Christians once had BACH, and now we're reduced to this kind of high schoool pep rally drivel? If this is honestly the best we can do* than we don't deserve the Louisiana State University Campus. The Greco-Roman Pantheon can have it back. I promise not to let the door hit me on the way out.
[Notes:
*False antecedent. I never met Jesus at a high school pep rally, at least not out front cheering and everything. On the other hand, I have a good friend who I trust who claims to have found him one day on Decatur Street, New Orleans (near where all the gutter punks and their dogs hang out when it's cold):
Word.]
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