Elmore Leonard for Philosophers

Elmore Leonard died a few days ago. I've seen his ten first rules of writing at least four times since. (Jackie Collins of all people had a funny and self-deprecating take in the Guardian.) Philosophers can use an adaptation, and here it is.

1) Never open a book with weather.

 (The idea was: if you must, say how somebody feels about the weather. Here’s Jean-Claude Izzo honouring the rule in its breach: “It was June 2^nd and it was raining. Despite the rain, the taxi driver refused to turn into the back alleys.” Still, that would have been better if “and it was raining” had been deleted.)

Never open a philosophy paper with what others think. (“Most philosophers think that colour is real. I’ll argue that it is not.” Better to write: “I will argue colour is a figment.”) If you can’t state your own idea without using somebody else as a foil, go on to something else.

2) Avoid prologues.

Especially historical prologues. (I just broke that rule in a paper called “Image Content.” But that was because the referee demanded a prologue, and the editor agreed. They made me do it.)

Oh, and don’t do that thing you were taught in high school: say what you are going to do step by step.

3) Never use a verb other than said to carry dialogue.

As often as possible, substitute a verb for an abstract noun. Dennett writes beautifully, so I’ll try this out on a sentence of his. “The first step in any effective exploration is to get as clear as we can about our starting point and our equipment.” How about: "When you start to explore a topic, first be clear about where you are going to start, and how you will argue.”

4) Never use an adverb to modify the verb said.

Right. But do use single quote marks when you mention a word.

5) Keep your exclamation points under control. You are allowed no more than two or three per 100,000 words of prose.

Philosophers don’t need this, unfortunately. This would be better: Strive to introduce a few exclamations into every paper. Then work to eliminate them.

 6) Never use the words "suddenly" or "all hell broke loose".

 Or ‘therefore’ or ‘accordingly’. Or 'the way in which'.

 7) Use regional dialect, patois, sparingly.

Don’t use logical jargon at all.  Constructions like “there is a blank such that blonk.”

 8) Avoid detailed descriptions of characters.

Avoid detailed descriptions of other people's theories.

9) Don't go into great detail describing places and things.

Don’t nest arguments. "A. But somebody might think that A is false because of Q. The best way around this is A but not B. Of course, X has objected R. . . ." Enough already.

 10) Try to leave out the part that readers tend to skip.

 Or at least tell them which parts to skip.