The philosophical version is here. The original is here.
Some facts from the philosophical version:
Chuck Norris has intellectual intuition.
After Heidegger met Chuck Norris, he agreed that Chuck isn’t thrown: he throws.
When Levinas published Totality and Infinity, Chuck Norris sued him for infringing on the names of his left and right fists.
Chuck Norris can conceive of bare matter without any properties.
Chuck Norris can dispute about taste, and win.
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My contribution: Anselm's proof for the existence of Chuck Norris: a man more interesting than the most interesting man in the world.
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